Breakthrough Conversations - Book Group

How about ‘Time to not think’?

The author, coach, psychotherapist and mindfulness teacher Graham Lee joined our h³ book group for a thought provoking conversation last week inspired by the central ideas in his book, Breakthrough Conversations for Coahes, Consultants and Leaders. 

Graham’s work speaks for itself, with lucidity and humanity; here is how we understood the central idea in our words. 

We meet in one of three conversational modes - ‘red’, where we are in a tense, emotionally-reactive and defensive state, ‘amber’, where we are in a habitual, automatic, unaware or routine state, and ‘green’, where we are reflective, present and aware - not emotionless but accepting and aware of our emotions.

Transformative or breakthrough conversations - those in which things fundamentally change for people - happen in that green state, when people feel able not to be emotionless, but to be with their emotions and sufficiently aware to explore their source and meaning without being overwhelmed by them.

In those moments people are able to access their somatic and emotional responses, and use them as a gateway to deeper understanding of beliefs, meaning, identity and possibilities - and use that as as energy for lasting change and development. 

As coaches, colleagues, leaders and companions, we have opportunities to create spaces where people feel supported enough to be with the potential discomfort of those feelings, and be open to the invitation to explore them in service of growth. 

Graham shared his thoughts on how we might help people open up to those conversations; how to make the offer of the invitation with grace; and how in conversation we might encourage people to be willing to meet us in an emotional place where, in his words, ‘it isn’t much fun but they find they can be with it’, in service of their own growth and sense of self.

How then might we create conversational spaces where people are able and willing simply to feel, before they think and do? Thank you Graham for joining us and offering such a beautiful inquiry and frame for the human act of conversation.